If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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