I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
