break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
