That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
