The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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