im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
