the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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