what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
