No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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