I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I touched a dick in church today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
