it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
