Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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