Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
