does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
