when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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