just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
