im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
