Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
