What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
