dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
