i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
