I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
