Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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