So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
