Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Floor bacon is actually really good
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
