they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
