I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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