I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
