I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Are my feet made of real feet?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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