foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
