Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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