that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
