I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
