Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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