She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
