JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
