Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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