found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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