Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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