some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
