im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
