Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
