I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
