As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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