I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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