you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
