I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
