do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
