You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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