grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
